It’s that time of the year again when Easter rolls around. However before Easter comes Holy week, which makes me so sad. I feel as if I’m more of a spiritual person than a religious one. That I have a better time connecting with God than I do with all the guidelines of religion. However, Holy Week makes me proud that I’m Catholic. It also makes me so emotional. Yesterday at school, my theology class did the stations of the cross and it really got to me and then last night my family and I went to Holy Thursday mass, which again made me emotional. Tonight I’m going to Good Friday service and I know this one is going to get to me the most.
This week makes me re-analyze the life I’m living and the things I’m doing. I always think about how Jesus died for me and I can’t help but wonder if my actions would make him proud or not. Sometimes I get so caught up in petty drama and my own self-absorption that I forget about the things that really matter. It makes me feel awful. At stations of the cross the way they describe how Jesus had to carry a massive cross while being beaten and that he kept falling and then when they ripped his clothes off of him which took with it, some of his wounded skin and flesh and then they nailed him to the cross where her slowly and painfully died; at Holy Thursday Mass they talk about the last supper; at Good Friday Service they talk about Jesus dieing on the cross and how he’s gone for 3 days. This all makes e feel so bad, I cringe when I think about how much pain he must’ve been in and how scared he must’ve been, but that he did it for me, someone born thousands of years later.
I really need to reassert my life and the things I’m doing. I really need to ask myself if I’m being a truly good person or not.