But I really need to realize that I cannot control the things that go wrong or the things people do to hurt me; I can only control the way in which I react. Life doesn’t suck, but some things in life do and there is absolutely nothing you can do to prevent those things from happening. You can only prevent the negative response which may be your initial reaction.
Sometimes I get myself so upset. I get so hurt by the way people treat me or how unlucky I can sometimes be, but I cannot control those things. And I never will be able to, so why do I let them ruin me so much?! I need to stop letting these little things bother me, because life truly is beautiful and I have so many blessings and so much to be thankful for.
I have such a strong relationship with all of my siblings. I have genuine friends who love me for me. I have a roof over my head, food in my stomach and clothes on my body.
I have such a bright future to look forward to. I have college and a gap year in the near future, I have many cities to see, I have many people still to meet. I have love to achieve and a family to create. I have happiness to experience, and most importantly, I have a life to live.
I finally saw Crazy, Stupid Love today and I loved it, but it also made me crazy! I could relate to all of it so much and it made me upset. Why can’t the good guys like me, I mean I know I’m no Emma Stone, but come one she played a quirky character, just like me. Yet, the hot guy saw her quirks as good things, not bad things and he loved her. Boys seem to think I’m just plain weird. Why? Because I’m not gonna make you chase me, if I like you, I’ll make it known. Why? Because I’m not going to sit and try to look pretty so you’ll want me, I’m going to talk to you. I refuse to change my morals or myself for a boys attention but it doesn’t change the fact that it sucks that I never get that attention. It still sucks to constantly be tagging along with my friends and their crushes. It still sucks that whenever I casually mention that I may like someone to one of my friends, that she doesn’t even respect me or my feelings enough to notflirt with him. Even though she claims to be head over heels for someone else.It sucks that I’m constantly the one comforting my friends about their boy problems, or giving them advice, or helping them to get a boys attention; yet, with some of my friends, the favor is rarely returned because, well, it’s just Mariah. For once I want it to be like the movies. I want him to chase after me and I want my friends to support that.
Don’t even get me started about how much I wish the other plot line was actually realistic.
I can’t even believe my ears. You met me at work to walk me home and I was mad I had to walk home, but surprised you were being so nice to me by meeting me. Boy was I wrong. No sooner do we walk out of the parking lot, do you drop a bomb on me. “Hey I cancelled your Invisalign appointment trip to NC, it’s not convenient for me. ” Then I try to keep my cool, but I’m obviously disappointed, I’ve been waiting for my teeth to get fixed since I was 10. I mean, hell you got the my older brother’s teeth fixed and now my little brother has braces.You blatantly skipped me. So yeah I’m going to be disappointed, but I just kept trying to ask you if there was any way it could possibly still work out, and if not, when could we reschedule. The you get crazy. Surprise, surprise. You’re literally screaming about how I’m “selfish” and how i’m just “using” your sister, the orthodontist, to get my teeth fixed and that i don’t like her anyways. Then you proceed to tell me that it’s my fault the trip was cancelled because you wanted to go this weekend but I couldn’t miss homecoming this weekend when it was more convenient for you. I literally told you that I didn’t want to miss homecoming, but if it came down to it, I would. So it’s my fault even though we all decided this weekend was better anyways. Then, when it’s silent again, I pull out my phone to honestly just check the texts I got while at work and you tell me not to “start that shit.” I ask what you’re talking about to which you reply “don’t you dare go text all your brothers and sister about how ‘mean I am’.” Then of course i get teary eyed, because that’s just mean and i say that I don’t go run and gossip all the time, and I don’t use people, and I do genuinely like your sister. then you go right for the jugular saying that all i am is a “gossiper and user” then i of course cry and you try to defend my self but you say that “sick of my fucking shit” and that i “deserve to hear these things, its about time you do.” I’m gonna puke.
"Love it will not betray you, dismay, or enslave you, it will set you free"
Mumford and Sons sang this and I think it is one of the truest statements I’ve thought about in a while.
I hope any girl suffering heartache will see this and know that it is so true. What made you feel so awful was not love. The boy who broke up with you, toyed with your emotions, used you, or lead you on never loved you. This may sound harsh but it’s so true, if it was love, it’d be real; it would last. If he really loved you he would never hold you back, enslave you. He would never hurt you, dismay you. He would never lie to you and leave you feeling lost, betray you. He does not deserve to have that word associated with him.
If it was love, he would only build you up, he would make you feel good about yourself, he would never lie. If he really loved you, he would feel just as infinitely happy around you as you are around him. If it was love, it would not trap you in heartache, but set you free.