You always have been. And for that I can’t thank you enough. I know we don’t hangout as much as we used to or as much as we’d both like to, but I hope you know how much I love you. I love that we can not hang out and then when we do, everything still feels so natural. I know we’ve all changed, just like you said, but I hope you don’t think I changed like they did; I hope you don’t think I’ve changed for the worse too. Because to me, you’ve only beome more beautiful on the inside and out. Having lunch with you and all those beautiful people that I love this weekend was like a breath of fresh air. It was so nice to be able to just sit and talk and laugh with you again. I love you so much. You’re perfection just the way you are and please don’t ever change because the world needs more humans like you.
And at the end of the day, I’m just scared. But it’s okay, because even though life can be a scary ride, at the end of the day that’s what it’s all about; the ride. And it sure is crazy scary, but it’s also beautiful.
I’m really excited for SEARCH retreat in December, but I’m starting to get really anxious and nervous too. Someone made a comment to me today about my life and the things they found out at SEARCH and it scared me. I’ve only told a handful of people and even after all these years, I can’t seem to say it all without hyperventilating and crying. I like to think that I can be open about both the good and bad aspects of my life, but I’m getting nervous. I’m scared and, if I’m being completely honest, maybe even too proud to confront that demon and expose that truth about my life. It’s not like I think people will dislike me because they know, I’m just scared that they will feel awkward around other people because of it which will cause me to feel awkward in return. My brother told me that he was so glad that he went to SEARCH because he could finally talk to people about this portion of his life, and it made him feel so much closer and so much more open with all his friends, so for that, I’m excited. However, I’m not completely ready to tear down my pride and show my true, honest self to certain people.
I’ve never had a surprise anything…up until today! My very best friends planned a surprise birthday lunch for me today! Seeing all my friends’ smiling faces saying the word I’ve wanted to hear for so long made feel so loved! I love you all so much, you are all my rock and I wouldn’t ever be able to get out of bed if it weren’t for you wonderful people! You are all beautiful on the inside and out and you all do countless sweet things to and for me and I could never thank you enough. If you are ever feeling upset or like you have failed, think of me. Think of me, because none of you have failed me and I love you more than I can express with words! Thank you so much for the surprise and thank you even more for being you and for loving me!
It’s almost my favorite time of the year. When i can wear my boots and scarves. Where i can drink my peppermint hot chocolate and snuggle up by a fire. Where everyones cheeks are the pretty shade of pink. It’s just my favorite, and I want it here now.
Certain people said the usual mean things they do every year to try and make it insignificant.
But my friends and siblings were able to make me feel special and loved. Even those two people who tried to ruin it, joined in. And I was so happy that it was my birthday, that I couldn’t even remember that I was mad at them for being suckish.
There’s nothing in the whole world I love more than feeling loved and yesterday I definitely felt the love. Thank you to my friends for all the texts, wall posts, kind actions, and even kinder words. Thank you to my family for dinner, the gifts, and the love. Most importantly, thank you to God for 16 years of life and a chance at a 17th.
Thank you and I love you all for this perfectly simple birthday.
No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don’t want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life’s change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.
Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.