I wish you could all forgive me. I wish we could all forgive each other. Sometimes I think you don’t try hard enough. But, I also know sometimes I don’t try hard enough either.
I want us all to make up. I want it more that anything. You all don’t know my whole story. And that’s my issue, my trust issues. If you knew, you’d know that you all are my rock. You all keep me sane. You all are my escape. We are all very hurt in multiple areas of life, but right now, the most hurt is between us. I never thought that this would happen. I feel like I can’t wake up from this nightmare. I’m so sorry. I should’ve stopped all of it before it began. I’m sorry I wasn’t strong or brave enough to fix things then. I’m going to do that now though. I’m going to be the one to pick up the pieces. I’m going to be the one to heal the wounds you all have because of this whole mess.
I’m so sorry for everything’s that happened in the past. I will never let any of it happen again. I’m sorry for actions, I’m sorry for words, I’m sorry for thoughts. I’m sorry for absolutely everything.
Please forgive me because I can’t live without all of you. I love you all an unimaginable amount.
Your Best Friend
You hurt me more than any one ever could. You lost my trust, my faith in you, you lost a lot from me. I know you’re sorry. But I don’t know that you’re willing to fix things me with me. You tell me constantly that its my fault we don’t have a relationship, you tell me I’m always mean to you, you say I don’t try. You’re probably right that I don’t try, but its because you hurt me like crazy. And you have no right to tell me its my fault, because its yours. It was your poor decision, that changed our relationship forever, it was that decision that forever changed all of our lives, and all of our outlooks on life, especially mine. Because of what you did, I find trusting people extremely challenging. I will always love you, I will never disappear from your life, but you need to know that you’ve eternally hurt me. I could never hate you, but I feel like you hate me sometimes. I know you don’t but I feel like you do. You make very snide and passive aggressive remarks to me daily and it hurts so much. You think you’re putting me in my place for not trying very hard anymore, but I don’t try because I’m so tired of trying and failing with you. I wish it was different, I see how some people have beautiful relationships with the role you are in their lives, and I want it so bad, but I need to stop wanting, because it gets me nowhere. It just causes more pain. I know we love each other, but as they say, love hurts. Its sure does, but I don’t think it should hurt this badly.
The Eternally Hurt